Mastering Death
by Oceane Meldagon
Summary: AU DH. SPOILERS.. Harry finally has found what he has been looking for. But it seems to have slipped through his fingers yet again. ANGST. OCC-ness HP/SS One shot. No slash. Please review!


I do not own Harry Potter!

It was finally over.

The war was finally over.

Not without loss... On either side. Many good Wizards and Witches had lost their lives on this day. Having fought side by side with many of them I couldn't help but wonder if some of them may have been able to be saved. Faraway the sound of cheering seemed to grow faint. For many years to come, this will be a day of celebration and of mourning.

The sky was becoming cloudier. Maybe it would rain. I felt so numb. So many souls lost. Remus, Tonks, Fred, and so many others including Snape... Oh god, Snape. I would never had know if not for his memories. I'd give anything to have any one of them back. Remus, to be understanding and happy with his son and wife. Tonks, to be there for Teddy and love Remus unconditionally. Fred, to help his family get through the hard times with George. And Snape.. What I would give to hear his harsh comments on my incompetent Gryffindoor foolishness.

While in the veiled darkness of his office, moments after I had exited Albus's pensive, I came to realize a Muggle saying to be quite true.

There's a fine line between love and hate.

That line had been crossed. I realized it then and I realize it, even more so, now.

It began to drizzle, shrouding the castle in a gray fog. 'Mionie and Ron had left him to make the small trek back to the castle at his request of course. They seemed reluctant to leave him but he reassured them the best he could. Telling them he wanted to take a walk. They seemed to buy it, for now. It wasn't exactly a lie. I was in fact, walking. To where? I wasn't sure.

My feet carried me blindly into the Forbidden Forest once again. Back to the spot where I dropped The Resurrection Stone on my walk to death. Looking down and spotted the red jewel half hidden under the forest floors vegetation. Mechanical I reached down with my right hand and was rudely reminded of The Elder Wand. I blinked at the wand in my hand. Distantly it hummed in my hand with energy and I placed it in my back pocket, disregarding Mad-Eye's warning. Plucking the Stone from the undergrowth I felt a sense of completeness. Did this make me The Master of Death? Where was my cloak anyway?

There was a sudden weight in my left jean pocket. I pulled out The Cloak with my left hand. It shouldn't even be able to fit in my pocket. How curious. I donned the Cloak and pulled out the Elder Wand to conjure a ring with a sort of catch to hold the stone until I could buy a more permanent one. Waving the wand I knew words were not needed. A silver band appeared in my left hand and I brought it closer to inspect. It was all around smooth and a small inscription could be read on the inside:

Maître de la Mort

French, for Master of Death. How I knew that when I had never studied the French language in my life, I have no clue. Placing the Stone into the small crevice on the face of the ring, it bonded instantly. I slipped the ring onto the ring finger of my right hand and peacefulness washed over my being, caressing my very soul and magical core.

The whisper of a noise brought forth my awareness from the slightly euphoric feeling. Turning slightly, the figure of a corporeal doe stood before me. I gasped at the proximity of our figures. The doe turned and darted off.

The only person with the patronus of a doe, that I was aware of, was Snape. "Wait!" I cried out to the doe. I dashed after the glimmering form, cloak swirling and billowing after me. It raced through the dark forestry at a brisk pace only stopping briefly to make sure I was following. Stumbling once or twice, I ended up at the steep steps leading to the boat house. The doe was nowhere in sight. I scuttled down the slippery steps as fast as I could without plunging to my death.

Once at the bottom I dashed through the door and knelt heavily next to the moribund form of Severus Snape. Instead of hanging greasy and dull, ebony hair as dark as night hair fanned away from his distinct facial features. A larger than average hooked nose that had probably been broken more than once was one of the more prominent features of his countenance. Refined eyebrows that, alone were able to make you second guess yourself, were now smooth under worry lines upon his forehead. Long elegant lashes framed the now closed eyes, those eyes that would pierce into your soul when given the slightest glance. A more aristocratic jawline was the remaining trait that seemed to pull his whole visage together in a subtle elegance. His skin shone pale in the fading light of day. This attractive man, probably the only person to finally catch my true affection, was dead.

Reaching across Snape's unmoving chest with my right hand I tenderly caressed the freshly congealed slit and bite marks. He was in the exact same position as we had left him. In death he looked so at peace. It seemed as if he was fast asleep. I stroked his cheek soothingly. He was so cold. I was so sure I saw his patronus. The doe was magnificent. I didn't desire for Snape to be dead. Even if he was to continue treating me the way he had been.

I pulled The Elder Wand ( 'I suppose it's my wand now' I thought) out from a pocket inside the cloak, and swished it over his lithe physique. Again no words were needed. His wounds began to heal and a strange clear viscous fluid started to ooze from the rather vicious snake bites. Within minutes I was feeling a little under the weather. But it didn't matter. Pigment began to return to his face, thought it was small. He still wasn't breathing. My energy was draining slowly. Feeling rather tuckered out, I moved my person to sit between his stretched legs and supported my back against his chest.

Tilting my head to rest on his chest, where his heart was, I heard no beating. No sound of respiration. Nothing. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I was beginning to shake slightly. Why hadn't it worked? He should be healed thoroughly. Any bodily injury from the month before would be healed. A wry and empty chuckle escaped past my lips. Even to my ears it sounded hollow and cold. "Ever the incompetent spoiled brat, eh Severus?" I barley registered the informal addressing. "The only thing I ever truly wanted, I can't have. And it's my fault." I said brokenly to his corpse. My wand fell limply from my hand and hit the floor with a light clatter.

I grasped the front of Snape's black, dirtied teaching robes with my wand hand and pressed my face into his silent chest. "It's you. It was only ever you! Only you! Why did it have to be you? I can't take it! It feels as if I'm dieing! Always you! It was always ever you! For everything. You where always there. Always the one saving me. All those years I hated the way you treated me. I can't-." A pathetic whimper escaped my lips. I clenched my eyes shut trying to fight off the river of tears so willing to break.

"I love you."

I whispered hoarsely. "I know how you felt about mum. I can't believe I-. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I couldn't save Remus either. He was so kind always so supportive. After Sirius died-" I couldn't finish that line. "Tonks is gone too... And Fred. It's my fault. I should have figured it out sooner, all of it. And V-Voldemort, everything was so messed up. I was so unprepared for everything. You know I didn't even realize I was a wizard until Hagrid delivered to me my Hogwarts letter." It was all just tumbling out. I couldn't shut my mouth.

"I was always just known as the freak. That horrible child that lived with his saintly relatives. Oh, how wrong they all were. For years I slept in a boot cupboard under the stairs. Barley being fed and slapped around when Vernon saw fit. Especially when I displayed a bit of accidental magic. 'Beat it out of me' he said. I wish he had beaten it out of me. Then Voldemort wouldn't have come back. When the sorting started in first year, I was so sure they had picked up the wrong kid. I couldn't be a wizard. I was just a freak. Nothing special. I never asked for much as a child. I only wanted to be Harry. Just Harry...

"I'm sorry I let you die. I'm sorry I let Remus, Tonks, and Fred die. I'm sorry I let my friends get hurt that night at the Ministry. I'm sorry I let Sirius die. I'm sorry I couldn't master Occlumency. I'm sorry I used magic outside of school. I'm sorry I couldn't stop Wormtail from using my blood to resurrect Voldemort. I'm sorry I couldn't save Cedric. I'm sorry I let Wormtail escape. I'm sorry I didn't let you protect us from Moony. I'm sorry I didn't come for help when I saw Wormtail's name on the Marauder's Map. I'm sorry I didn't go for help when I started hearing the Basilisk hissing through the pipes. I'm sorry I went after the Philosopher Stone. I'm sorry I suspected you for being the one to want the stone. I'm sorry I chased that Remembrall during my first Flying lesson. I'm sorry I didn't let the Sorting Hat place me in Slytherin. I'm sorry mum didn't love you back. I'm sorry my father was such a Wanker to you. I'm sorry I was born. I'm so sorry for everything! Everything! I'm just so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry." I sobbed brokenly.

"I'm sorry, so sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't-." I choked off. "'M sorry. Sorry. 'M sorry. 'M sorry. So sorry. . . " I despaired openly. Sobbing profusely. Never ending pain. Heart wrenching sobs and hot miserable tears falling down my anguished features.

**END NOTE**

Eh, so I found this drabble on my mums computer the other night, while I ought to have been studying for finals... Sorry for Harry being so OOC. I mean really. I think I might change it. Even to me it seems a bit TOO over dramatic. But do tell what your thoughts on this are? I've been trying to write in a more... reader friendly way. Thank you Dreamyin for that bit of advice! I mean for serious. :D Please don't be shy to Review! It really does make the writer feel good! Even if it was to write " I loved it!" or " Gosh that was dumb!". Though longer, detailed reviews are welcome! Not sure if it will only be a oneshot or not...

Oceane M.

*EDIT*

Okay so. Made super tiny corrections. And a super large one. One word of advice. Don't trust shifty translators. Thank you, that is all. Lul.

Also I really enjoy reviews, but if you review Anon, then I can't reply! So please log in! But if you can't I can still answer questions in author notes if I happen to be writing a multi-chap fic!

P() – I was thinking about turning this fic into a multi-chapter, but I was unsure if I should. I had only written this far when I posted. To answer your question, the reason the Hallows didn't work was supposed to be Magic going against Harry's wish, even if he was the Master of Death.

Again I am unsure if I should make this a multi-chaptered one! Please continue to review!


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